Happy Mother’s Day to all mom’s! Mother’s take different forms and aren’t always related by blood or species. A mom to me, is someone who nurtures, teaches, respects, guides, comforts and loves.
I struggled with this post, because my own relationship with my mom is nonexistent. It’s not for lack of trying. Somewhere along the way in her life, she took on the attitude that everyone must do for her and she didn’t need to offer anything in return. When I say “somewhere along the way” I mean before I was born.
You see, she’s an alcoholic and has been my whole life. My brother and I have had her in rehab more times than I can count. One of our admissions into rehab she told the nurse she drank the whole time she was pregnant with me and never stopped. Believe me when I say that I’ve thanked God more than once that my brother and I don’t have the side-effects that can produce.
Dealing with my mother is nothing short of an exercise in futility. At 74 years old, she was found passed out in the parking lot of her apartment complex, and not for the first time, my brother was called by the police department. We put her in a nursing home after rehab, and she was pissed. We’d spoken to the social worker and they put a “no-alcohol” order on her chart. Pissed is too weak a word to describe how that went over.
She was asked to leave that nursing home after 2 years, because she’s just not nice. Mouthy, obnoxious and hateful, the staff simply couldn’t take her any longer. So, we were back to finding a place for her to live. We found an assisted living that agreed to take her, they’ve complained to my brother that mom is terribly negative and nasty to everyone. His response? “Welcome to my world.”
Mom had a minor stroke about a month ago, and she is back in the same nursing home she was kicked out of to under-go rehab. I can only imagine that dread the staff felt the day they rolled her into the place. Her attitude is the same, anytime either my brother or I speak with her, she only wants to tell us things she wants us to buy for her. Never a kind word to come out of her mouth – she’s terribly frustrating to talk to and visit.
I write this post because Mother’s Day is bitter-sweet for me. I’ll work up the courage to call her sometime today, it’ll be a short call. Then I’ll spend the day with my children and my mother-in-law, who took over mothering duties when I met my husband. She’s guided me, loved me, and took care of me over the more than 30 years we’ve been together. Before her, my grandmother was my mother and since my grandmother passed, I’ve also had numerous cousins that have taken on the mantle of being a mother to me when I needed one. Sometimes, my friends have been there and while not my mother or mothering me, they’ve recognized I didn’t have that person who is supposed to mold me into a good person and they’ve stepped up. I’ve been truly blessed.
So, for those of you who have had mother’s who nurtured you, molded you, stuck up for you and loved you – go hug that mom, kiss her cheek and tell her you love her. For those who have lost your mom along the way, tell her you love her today – she’s listening. Hug your children, fur babies, and the friends that may need you to be their “mom” if only a short time – you just may be helping them more than you know.
Happy Mother’s Day Moms.